One more year closer

Today is my 36th birthday.  I don’t know how to feel about that.  Let me first qualify by saying that I’m sleep deprived right now having travelled cross country last night and, when I am in this mood, tend to be more melodramatic.  It’s only fitting that I would be in this state on a day that most use to reflect on their own life and mortality.   So, while the following is what I’m feeling right now, it may not be what I feel tomorrow after a good night’s rest.  Or maybe it will be.

While I received an outpouring of birthday wishes today, there were a few notable absenses. Unfortunately, it was this time last year that I was at a completely different place in my life and I thought it was going in a completely different direction.  Yet, here I am, a year later, back in the same place I was before.  Starting from scratch.  Back on the hunt. While I truly believe that this is a better place to be, my mind can’t help but to reflect to a year ago.

I need sleep.

As my best friend loving pointed out, forty is rapidly approaching.  I think that 36 is an age when forty joins the conversation.  It’s not the featured guest, but it certainly has a seat at the table.  Forty. Where will I be then?  What will my life be like?  My head hurts to think about it.

What happened to thirty?

I don’t feel different.  Maybe a little bit more experienced.  Not apt to repeat some of the mistakes I’ve made in the past, yet poised to make new ones.  I don’t think that ever ends. Will I ever learn?  Not likely.

The family is celebrating on Wednesday.

My father’s birthday is three days from now.  We’re doing a dual-celebration dinner on Wednesday.  It will be nice to see everyone.  I wonder how reflective I’ll be then.  Maybe I’ll be more focused on my father’s remaining years than on my own.

Hopefully, I’ll be better rested.